Crickets In My Bed

Sometimes I cannot breathe,

Oftentimes I cannot sleep.
And I wonder...

My heart tells me I loved you first.
According to them He was there before,
And I wonder if my heart is big enough for the both of you.

You are all consuming and I want it this way.
I have names for you: Friend. Lover. Husband. Soulmate.
But I am promised to someone else - that is what they tell me.

Humanly speaking, you are the closest person to me.
Yet, at night, when the lights are out and my bed remains cold
I speak to Him.

There are fragments of me that you are not privy to.
I feel the need to hide the smallest parts of me,
And offer them as proof that He has all of me.
Am I kidding myself?

His message of Love is how my life should be;
Everything else is just a mass of confusion.
I feel myself changing and within the deepest parts of me
Metamorphosis is painful.

My throat aches from holding back the 10,000 tears
That threaten to drown us both.
I feel like I'm fighting for the three of us,
And I wonder if my heart is big enough.

Sometimes I cannot breathe,
Oftentimes I cannot sleep.
And I wonder...
© shellyhu